by Todd Puntolillo
(reprinted with permission)

If I were given the power to cure just one ill that haunts mankind, I would pass up cancer, breeze by AIDS, and overlook heart disease because curing the malady I have in mind might just cure most of the others as a side effect. The cure I would seek would be the cure of criticism. No disease shrivels up children, destroys the family unit, ruins the business place, incapacitates government, nor produces stress like criticism. The terrible three (criticism, judgment, and complaint) do more to dishearten the spirit and, in general, create misery, pain and sorrow than anything else I have ever encountered. What is sad is that it is so often the vice of the otherwise virtuous person. It is so commonplace that, in many cases, we don’t even pause to take note when words of criticism are voiced. Sitcoms find their success in “put downs” while millions watch and laugh.

Criticism is so hideous that we even label criticism as “constructive” and “destructive” so that we can invalidate someone and tell them that it is for their own good. The need to be right by making someone else wrong is the problem to be addressed. Why not make someone else right by assisting them or letting them go, free of humiliation, so they can learn and grow?

We CAN change the world! How do we change from the damage which is inflicted by blame, censure, ridicule, judgment, complaint, condemnation and criticism? The main objection I hear to this is that “constructive” criticism is needed to make corrections. If your comments do not ridicule, blame, shame, attack or demean someone, then you are suggesting, instructing or in some way assisting someone, and those methods differ from criticizing in their intentionality. Encouraging and helping someone is a form of kindness or caring and differs from criticizing. I think most of us know the difference between being helped and being invalidated.

When you criticize, faces drop and spirits sink. The criticizer announces his own loveless soul when browbeating someone. Criticism teaches children that they are inadequate or unlovable. Blame stops progress in the business environment and undermines every goal. Condemnation and censure perpetuates racism and warlike thinking. What happens to your creativity when you are under fire? Criticism is an excellent tool to intimidate and invalidate someone, teach intolerance, start arguments and alienate others, hurt the feelings of the people who love you, attract criticism to yourself, bring disharmony to a peaceful place, stifle the dynamics of world unity, break up families and break peoples’ hearts and wills.

Knowing that if you don’t perform you’ll be criticized or judged creates stress and mistakes. It is widely accepted that stress is the most common cause of disease? And haven’t we been told that stress kills? That should be reason enough for us to rethink the cruelty of its source.

The cure for this is to care about our own happiness and the happiness of others enough to give up trying to make them wrong so we can look good. We don’t have to be right! At first, this concept sounds threatening. Believe me, in spite of what you’ve always been told, you don’t have to be right all of the time. Once we realize this, life becomes a whole lot freer and easier! Here is your choice (says A Course in Miracles) “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?” Why have we heard so little about this before? Because those who criticized us thought they needed to be “right.” Criticism is attack and as such destroys. What is more, the criticized party usually defends himself by making his critic wrong in his own mind. We usually accomplish nothing trying to convince someone that he is wrong. Better to let him know we care and want to help.

Here is how to CREATE THE CHANGE THAT HAS THE POWER TO CURE WHAT AILS OUR WORLD: Lavish appreciation and encouragement on everyone. TEACH gratitude and healthy values. ASSIST those who are making mistakes. ENCOURAGE, BE KIND and remove the barb when you attempt to bring about change. Can you imagine a world where we all behave as if we really WANT harmony? As always, the choice is yours. We really can be part of “THE CURE.”

Let me suggest what I call The Winning Formula:

G+L+T+F=PJI.
In mathematical formulas, that which is on the left side of the equal sign is the same as, or equivalent to, that which is on the right side. The key is to know the value of each symbol. Now I’ll spell this one out to clarify. Gratitude + Love + Trust + Forgiveness = Peace times Joy times Inner strength (Also called Integrity). In order to multiply your sense of peace, joy and power, you need to compound your gratitude with love, trust and forgiveness.

You Can Rise No Higher Than Your Lowest Estimation of Another
Replacing Ugly Thought
Why forgiveness you may ask? When you were a child and were asked to forgive a friend who wronged you, it was explained that he/she didn’t mean it. You decided it wasn’t so important and resumed play. As you got older, forgiveness meant letting go of something from the past that still ached inside. You could see that it was an attempt to heal hurt feelings that remained painful within you. A bumper sticker on my car reads: Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past. You see, the past is gone and the bitterness is a choice. You are choosing whether or not to let YOUR feelings about something someone said or did eat you up–perhaps literally. There is a deeper meaning to forgiveness. It is seeing love in the face of hate, fear or resentment. It is replacing every ugly thought that comes up for us because it is truly the ONLY healthy, satisfying thing to do. Anything less will harm us every day for the rest of our lives. Remember: YOU CAN RISE NO HIGHER THAN YOUR LOWEST ESTIMATION OF ANOTHER.

You Cannot be Grateful and Unhappy at the Same Time
Love Dissolves Fear and Doubt
Gratitude is that simplistic knowing that all is well and everything we have, physical or nonphysical, is a gift. If we were to take the time to count life’s gifts, we could do it all day and into the night. Many of us don’t look deeply enough to see all the good. It is a powerful recognition that multiplies peace and joy exponentially and makes us powerful. YOU CANNOT BE GRATEFUL AND UNHAPPY AT THE SAME TIME.

There is not enough I can say about love. It is our true nature and the truth about creation. Only fear and doubt cloud our perfect vision of love. To cultivate a loving soul is to honor life and extend well-being to everyone we mentally embrace. In the words of Emmet Fox: “It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A SUFFICIENT REALIZATION OF LOVE WILL DISSOLVE IT ALL.”

Trust seems difficult. Although faith is wonderful, I call it trust because the word faith can, at times, project a feeling of helplessness. Trust is an inner knowing that all is as it should be and that the universe is both loving and intelligent. If peace, joy and inner strength are attractive to you, then follow this winning formula. Be grateful. There is so much here for you. Be loving. It warms your heart and blesses others. Trust a perfect outcome–better yet, be trusting now, the only time frame that exists. No need to wait. The overcoming of the suggestion called fear is the great task of humanity today. Forgive those who have done what you consider wrong. They are giving you the opportunity to be loving and grateful. Follow the formula and be part of “THE CURE!”

About the Author
Todd Puntolillo has over 50 years experience in spiritual healing and metaphysics. He is and has been editor and inspirational columnist for the Happy Times Monthly since its incipiency in May of 1995 and is author of his own book Love, Wisdom and Healing. Todd is currently on a local speaking tour entitled The Mystical Secrets of Life. He has studied more than a dozen modalities of healing and teaches healing as a natural, not phenomenal, result of one’s loving consciousness and powerful conviction. For more information, visit his website at www.wisdomandhealing.com